How does your pet read?
We all know our pets are smart. Us pet parents are a lot like kid parents — ours are the smartest, the prettiest, the best behaved. But confidentially, I’m going to tell you a secret. Angelic does not describe any pet that lives in my household. My maniacal housemates are infamous plant tippers, food beggars and mischief makers. The worst thing of their disagreeable behaviors is how they read. Crazy am I? Mistaken you are.
I believe my cats have learned the fine science of “butt osmosis.” You heard me. Butt. Osmosis. I will be innocently minding my own business and then wham! out of nowhere, a pet sits on my book. In the middle, no less. I can’t read around her, because she takes up the whole allotment of reading space.
I try to explain to the offending party that they are being quite…um…offensive. I mean, really? A whole house and they have to sit on my book? The only explanation that could at all be viable is butt osmosis. They have a hunger for knowledge, just like me, except they lack the ability to turn the page. So they simply sit on a book and soak it up with their butt. With butt osmosis achieved, they don’t even need me. I can turn the page in a book or turn the kindle off and on but that means nothing when you have butt osmosis. Pets? Can’t read with them, can’t live without them.